AMBUSHED!
Last time, we spoke about grief—about allowing it, not rushing it, and moving through it.
But there’s something else that needs to be named. Healing is not a straight line. You may be having a good day. Running errands. Listening to music. Sitting with friends. And then, without warning… IT happens. A song A smell. A voice. Something very ordinary. And suddenly, you’re no longer in the present. You’re back in the time and place where it happened. The very place you’ve been trying to move beyond.
It’s called a trigger. I call it an ambush. Trauma revisited. Without warning. A moment for which Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s book is titled, The Body Keeps the Score.
If you have experienced this, it is important to understand what it is—and what it is not.
It is not failure.
It is not weakness.
It is not a sign you’re going backwards.
Unfortunately, it’s an all too common part of the process. So what can you do? Begin with these two words: Safety. Support.
Safety means returning to the present. Moving away from what triggered the response. Reconnecting with what is real, now. What you can see, smell, hear, or hold. The ambush may pull you into the past, but the present is where you can find a safe haven.
Support means not facing the moment alone. It may be a trusted friend, a counselor, a family member, someone who understands. It may also be a practiced response: breathing, meditation, or music.
In East of Apple Glen, Robbye O’Malley is ambushed while watching a video. Her response is intentional. She has a mantra. She steps away, creating space. She has Nathan make her a cup of tea. She breathes. Meditates. And when the episode is over, she tells Nathan, “I’m back.”
Healing is not a matter of avoiding difficult experiences. It is measured by how we respond when they do come. And, unfortunately, they likely will.
There’s nothing wrong with you if they do. In fact, acknowledging that these moments may occur—and preparing for them—is not a sign of vulnerability.
It’s a sign of strength. It means you are not being controlled by the past. You’re learning to move through. You’re learning to move beyond.
